Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Female advice and the Sex-22

It's always amusing to hear female opinions on how to solve a crisis caused by female behavior. Mostly because their first instinctive response is to deny it is a crisis:
“I think the fact that the guy communicates via a spreadsheet is the reason why he’s not getting sex,” is the verdict from relationship counsellor Francine Kaye. “If a man wants to be desired, he has to speak to a woman’s feminity. He has to stop complaining and start thinking 'What do I have to do in order for her to want to have sex?’ ”

A good start is the kind of wooing behaviour most husbands assumed they had left behind as soon as the ring was on the bridal finger. Erroneously, they think that compliments and flowers, hand-holding and general attentiveness are not just unnecessary but cheesy once they are married. Cheesy they may be, but necessary – as attested by the short shrift given to Mr Spreadsheet.
Did I not call that yesterday? What is relationship counsellor Kaye's statement, if not a retroactive justification of a woman's action. Translation: start paying attention to other women. Then she'll magically find her missing motivation. There are three things that speak to a woman's femininity.
  1. Be attractive
  2. Don't be unattractive
  3. Competition aka (1) and (2) seen through the mechanism of other women
Choreplay doesn't work. Romance doesn't work. Vacations don't work. Talk doesn't work. Men have tried those things many, many, many times. Here is why it will never work to do what a woman says you need to do in order to make her want to have sex: the moment you do what she tells you is necessary, that "creates pressure" on her to fulfill her end of the implicit bargain. And women under pressure to have sex don't want to have sex, because women don't want to have sex under pressure, ergo doing what she tells you necessarily ENSURES that she will not want to have sex.

Did you follow that? It's a Catch-22, or in this case, a Sex-22.
  1. She says she'll want to have sex if you take her to Mazatlan.
  2. You take her to Mazatlan.
  3. She is now under pressure to want to have sex.
  4. Feeling under pressure prevents her from wanting to have sex.
  5. Rinse and repeat.
So, don't bother taking her to Mazatlan. Don't waste your time on whatever women advise no matter how many women blithely recite the usual mantras. Go back to the basics. Go to the gym, improve your style, focus on your career and making more money, and either a) she'll be more attracted to you or b) someone else will.

You can't fix someone else. You can't change someone else. You can only control your own actions. If she wants spend her life as a sexless slug parked in front of a television, that's her choice and its on her. No one else.

Monday, July 21, 2014

Mortification Game

Of sex and spreadsheets. A number of people have asked me my thoughts on the woman complaining about the fact that her husband dropped a bombshell on her concerning her near-constant sexual rejection of him just as she was going on a 10-day business trip via email, including a spreadsheet that kept track of when each rejection happened and her excuse offered:
A sexually-frustrated husband compiled a spreadsheet charting a whole month’s worth of his wife’s excuses for refusing to have sex with him, including “I might be getting sick” and “I still don’t feel 100%”.

For a whole month the amorous husband jotted down every response from his other half when he asked her for intimacy, which elicited replies such as “I feel gross” and “I’m watching the show”, which he claims was a re-run of a Friends episode. The unnamed man then collated the information and put it into an excel document before emailing it to his wife as she arrived at an airport ahead of a 10-day business trip.

Excuses also include "I'm exhausted", "I need a shower" (didn't shower until next morning), "I'm trying to watch the movie" (fell asleep 15 min later) along with a few cases of not feeling too well and a number of ‘non-verbals’.

Shocked at the email, the anonymous lady tried to get in touch with her husband but found he had cut contact with her.In the end, she decided to share her husband's endeavour with users of social networking site Reddit by uploading the spreadsheet.

She then wrote: "Yesterday morning, while in a taxi on the way to the airport, husband sends a message to my work email which is connected to my phone. He's never done this, we always communicate in person or by text. I open it up, and it's a sarcastic diatribe basically saying he won't miss me for the 10 days I'm gone. Attached is a spreadsheet of all the times he has tried to initiate sex since June 1st, with a column for my "excuses", using verbatim quotes of why I didn't feel like having sex at that very moment."

The spreadsheet, which has since been deleted, quickly went viral with people taking both sides in the debate. Most people criticised the husband's "immaturity" and said he should have gone about it in a different way.
Thereby proving that most people are idiots. The first thing is that this spreadsheet didn't come out of the blue. It is almost surely a quintessential male response to a very typical female tactic: the demand for proof. Women often try to put men in a false "heads I win, tails you lose" position, in which they demand proof of the assertion, but if called on this demand, then try to argue that the anticipation of the need for proof somehow disqualifies its relevance. That is exactly what the wife is attempting to do here. She's trying to use that the fact he made the spreadsheet and sent it to her on the road to retroactively justify her previous actions.

Needless to say, women who exhibit this basic inability (or refusal) to grasp cause-and-effect aren't often taken seriously. Think twice before you resort to such rhetoric; even if it works, you're making yourself look like a moron.

Although apparently there are those foolish enough to buy her "tails you lose" tactic, because they are using her very "immature" language to describe her husband. But there is nothing immature about what the man is doing. It's idiotic to claim, as many have, that he should "talk to her." He's obviously been talking to her already, the spreadsheet is filled with verbatim quotes from the woman. What he's doing is calling her on her bullshit, which makes many men and women uncomfortable. After all, what will happen if women start being held accountable for their actions? We can't have that, can we? Society will implode overnight!

The woman's response, and the furious response of other women, to the husband's action demonstrate how effective it is. Remember, women always communicate strategically when speaking in general terms about sex and love; what they say can never be taken at face value but must be interpreted properly. This is clearly the first time in months that the woman has paid even the SLIGHTEST attention to what the guy thinks; it's genuinely amusing to see the various women claiming that the combination of the spreadsheet and radio silence will have a counterproductive effect when she's already a) sexually rejecting him 88.89 percent of the time and b) has left him at home while she hits the road.

The fact is that she's feeling incredibly humiliated and defensive. And since in women, defensive crouches are followed by instinctively sexual responses, if he maintains his frame, the chances are that she'll return from her trip more sexually willing than before. (Personally, I doubt he will, he'll probably contact her too soon, apologize profusely, buy her flowers, and they'll be back to their old routine within a week.) But what he has inadvertently done is to introduce Mortification Game to a worldwide audience, Mortification Game being a subset of Dread Game.

Dread Game isn't for healthy relationships, but it can temporarily improve unhealthy ones and buy them time to fix things. This spreadsheet isn't indicative of immaturity, but rather desperation combined with a desire to save his marriage while honoring his wedding vows. It would be much more effective for him to have simply gone radio silent and had sex with other women while she's gone; the sexually hypercompetitive nature of women would likely have her sensing his subsequent indifference to her deprivation upon her return. But he chose not to do that, instead he plunged once more into the gap to try to salvage what looks like a fairly hopeless cause.

The beleaguered husband doesn't deserve scorn or criticism, but the sort of sympathy one spares for the underdog. As for the wife, well, any woman who repeatedly turns down her husband because watching television repeats is more of a priority merits all the mortification and marital difficulties she subsequently experiences. I don't know if there are any relevant studies on the subject, but I hypothesize there is a very high correlation between the hours of television a wife watches and the amount of Internet porn that a married man consumes. Someone close to her needs to inform her that this isn't a game, posturing and playing the victim is not going to work here, and she needs to take responsibility for her failures as a woman and as a wife immediately or her marriage will be over.

And, by the way, for men and women alike, keep in mind that if someone ever throws something like that spreadsheet in your face, you have quite literally asked for it. Every time someone brings up a concern to you and you dismiss it for lack of proof, you set the stage for the person preparing a quasi-legal brief against you. Never resort to the idiotic rhetoric of claiming that unless the other person can prove it, it never happens, because that is ignoring the obvious logic that SOMETHING upset the other person enough to cause them to bring up the subject with you.

Sunday, July 20, 2014

The future of fat people

The eternal search for the celebration of female unattractiveness:
“WOW. Did I vastly underestimate women’s need to see ‘imperfect’ bodies just doing regular, human stuff,” Trout wrote in a follow-up to her original piece, which ran in longer form on the Huffington Post over the holiday weekend. “Not only am I getting messages going, ‘You’re helping me with my personal stuff,’ but the support I’m getting is overwhelming.… Obviously, that’s not why I posted the article, it’s a broader social commentary (the point of which was that it doesn’t matter how you look, you’re still entitled to wear whatever you want and be comfortable doing it), but the fact that I’ve received more of those messages than negative ones makes me really hopeful for the future of fat people.”
This is like a bunch of unemployed male slobs celebrating each other's slovenly laziness. They can celebrate it all they like. They can empower themselves by posting pictures on Facebook. And it's not going to make a single woman more attracted to any of them.

I think it's fine for a fat woman to wear a bikini if she wants to. I mean, she might run the risk of getting harpooned by a passing whaler, but as long as she's not doing it in the vicinity of any Japanese or Norwegian ships, she should be safe enough.

It's not men who care if fat women wear bikinis or not. We're not horrified, for the most part, we think it's funny. It's other women who make a big deal of it anyhow. I hope the future of fat people is fat, dumb, and happy, that's certainly to be preferred to seeing them weeping pathetically over their extra-large bags of Doritos.

Saturday, July 19, 2014

Art and the social hierarchy

The occasional Picasso aside, I've noticed that most artists tend to rank very low on the socio-sexual hierarchy, almost a melange of Gamma, Omega, and Lambda. This sort of weirdly childish behavior is so common among them that I soon learned to closely examine every texture in our video games in order to detect and order removed the more egregious portrayals of sex and genitalia:
Fashion chain Next has taken a baby grow off its shelves after customers noticed it was covered in penis drawings. Shane Gallivan, 23, was feeding his 10-month-old twin daughters Evelyn and Amelia at home in Bulwell, Nottingham, when he spotted an unusual shape in their baby grows' 'washing line' design. After looking closer, he uncovered what he believes is the drawing of a penis in the image of a green jumper. He then examined the rest of his daughters' baby grows and found lots of different penis images covering their arms, legs and bodies.
I can't exaggerate how common this sort of thing is. Once your eye is trained to see it, you can identify it everywhere. We were on a flight a while back, and I pointed out to Spacebunny the seven penises that were portrayed in the clouds on the box OF THE FREAKING CHILDREN'S MEAL, including one that was ejaculating. I wish I'd saved it; it was even more egregious than the baby grows pictured in the article.

The manufacturer claims: "This is an innocent mistake that had not been picked up in the approval process."

Innocent on the manufacturer's part, perhaps. Not on the artist's.

Friday, July 18, 2014

Hypergamy and delusions of equality

It's not hard to understand why Sheryl Crow will never get married. The woman is remarkably delusional concerning her position vis-a-vis the men to whom she is attracted:
The 52-year-old spoke candidly about her hopes and dreams
for the future. 'Hey, I would love to get married - I'm still old-fashioned. But I don't think marriage is the be-all-and-end-all,' she admits. 'It's better to have three broken engagements than three divorces.'

While she thankfully hasn't had that many broken engagements, the country star was set to marry now-disgraced cyclist Lance Armstrong in September 2005, before calling time on their relationship in February 2006. She also famously dated actor Owen Wilson in 1999 and singer Eric Clapton prior to that, in 1996.

Speaking of her penchant for dating equally famous and successful men, she says she always ended up feeling that they made her feel small in the end, citing their need to be the bigger star in the relationship.

'I have always gone out with guys who were highly successful, which would seem like it would put me at an equal level,' she explains. 'But what ends up happening is that one of you becomes smaller - and it was always me... I do think that sometimes in order for one person's light to shine, everyone else has to dim theirs.'
Right there is the essence of hypergamous thinking. A woman goes out with a MORE SUCCESSFUL man because she is attracted to him. And, having attracted him, she therefore concludes that she is now "at an equal level". But at no point has Miss Crow ever been as successful as Lance Armstrong or Owen Wilson, to say nothing of Eric Clapton, who has been world-famous for decades.

They didn't need to be the bigger star in the relationship, they WERE the bigger star in the relationship. The problem isn't that she felt small, the problem is that she was trying to make herself feel bigger through them.

The fame issue doesn't matter to non-celebrities, but the exact same behavior is seen with regards to physical attractiveness. The female 6 who goes out with a male 8 subsequently assumes that she is an 8 and begins to behave accordingly. And therefore, it bothers her when he, and others, still regard her as being the less attractive half of the couple, EVEN THOUGH THAT IS STILL THE CASE.

Hypergamy alone is not a problem. It's necessary and desirable for successful relationships in a sexually dimorphic species. But hypergamy combined with a subsequent delusion of equality renders a woman literally unfit, in both the relationship and the Darwinian sense.

Thursday, July 17, 2014

The wounded Gamma

You can always tell when the Gamma male, who will never openly admit that his precious little feelings have been wounded, is having trouble maintaining his delusion, because he keeps returning to the point where it has been punctured, trying to come up with some spin on the situation that he can successfully sell to others and thereby convince himself.
John Scalzi @scalzi
Look! Moronic sexist dipshits STILL agog I noted my daughter lifts more than I can!

Jason Black @p2p_editor
@scalzi Evidently, pride is a difficult concept for them...

clarence @cjohnson319

Bill @dadonymous

Kathleen McGivney @kmcgivney
@scalzi dudebros gotta dudebro.

Arinn Dembo @Erinys
@scalzi *shakes her head* "My bubble is good. Your bubble is bad."

Martin Wagner @wagnerfilm
@scalzi So, a load of pseudo-intellectual twaddle to defend his insecure need for manhood only to be defined as "can lift moar than women."

Dave Shramek @dshramek
@scalzi "Ha ha ha. You guys are in a bubble. Also, it's a dumb shape for a bubble because it seems to be an inside-out sphere."

Evil Sales Associate @EvilSalesAss
@scalzi What is a "man card" used for anyway? a free coffee after 10 fist bumps?

Ricky Shorter @Gimli_Ricky
@scalzi how do you know what that site contains? I tried, but after a couple paragraphs I could NOT continue reading. It's just..a mess

Austin Collum @austinlc99
@scalzi I've read a lot of shit on the internet, but this takes the Gold Medal for most ludicrously insanely asinine bullshit I've ever seen

Eden Lynch @Eden_Lynch
@scalzi that holo is filled with hater trolls that breed and contribute to the imbecile gene ool - yes cos some1 pee'd in it

JoanofDarkKnits @JoanofDarkKnits
@scalzi hell she can probably lift ME.

John Scalzi @scalzi
@JoanofDarkKnits That's entirely possible. And then Krissy would lift the both of you.

Bruce @thornae
@scalzi: Isn't it fascinating how they translate your "she can lift more than me" into "I can't lift as much as her"?

Christopher Brau @ChristoffBrau
@scalzi HAHAHA the fuuuuck is wrong with these people?

John Scalzi @scalzi
@ChristoffBrau They're sad and pathetic losers with no lives.

Michael Bunting @daedalus4096
@scalzi Because, apparently, there's something wrong with taking pride in one's child's accomplishments? WTF is wrong with these people?

Rachel Baker @PokeyPuppyRdr
@scalzi Interesting that he leaps past you bragging about your daughter's ability to you bragging about your LACK of ability. Hmm.

Kathy @ManicNotCrazy
@scalzi i think your daughter could flatten him in one punch. and we would stand back and laugh! you should brag on your girl. 1/2

John Scalzi @scalzi
@ManicNotCrazy My daughter wouldn't punch him. She'd briefly roll her eyes and then ignore him. Which is about the right response. 
Note that despite all the reassurance he's received from the other rabbits, it's still not enough and he's actively seeking even more. This is because he knows that his weakness, and worse, his pride in his weakness, makes him an object of derision and disgust by men and women alike. And the knowledge of that is painful to his ego.

And this is despite the fact that this particular Gamma has long reveled in feeling weak. Or this photograph would not be "one of my favorite pictures of my daughter and me."

As one recovering former Gamma told me, determined self-deceit is the core of gammatude. He said: "It's not about being stupid, or even a chubby nerd, it's about relentlessly lying to yourself about what's right in front of your eyes. Pulling off those scales is one of the hardest things to do in life when you are in deep."

Wednesday, July 16, 2014

Unaccountable children

We see it time and time and time again, how the legal system repeatedly makes it eminently clear that women are to be regarded as little more than children, unaccountable for their actions:
A 23-year-old woman has told police she lied about her father raping her when she was 11 - accusations that put him behind bars for nine years. But Cassandra Kennedy, from Longview, Washington, will not be charged as prosecutors fear it could stop others from reporting sexual assaults.

Kennedy said guilt forced her to tell police she had lied about Thomas Edward Kennedy raping her at least three times in 2001.

'I did a horrible thing,' Kennedy told detectives in January, according to a police report reported in The Daily News. 'It's not OK.'

She added that she was bitter following her parents' divorce in 1991, and that she made up the rape story as her father had disappointing her....

Of the false conviction, prosecutor Sue Baur said: 'This is the kind of thing that shouldn't happen.' But she said that charging Kennedy might discourage victims from coming forward. She added that it was not an indictment of the system, but simply a case of a person withdrawing their story.
And women wonder why men don't respect them or consider them their equals. It's not because men hate them, but because so many women insist on acting and being treated like children.